The First Few Days

Princess Ana is asleep next to me, so I will squeeze in what I can.

Friday morning Tanya and Alucia went solo to run the paperwork around, which was a treat. I am happy we were able to focus on getting all the things ready to take to the orphanage for the final trip. We were picked up around 1pm and hit the Friday afternoon traffic. Most Moscovites have small apartments here in the city and homes in the country. Being on Tverskaya on a weekend, I can tell you that the young people stay and don't sleep at all, while the family oriented crowd packs up for the country. Having been out to Sergi Posad (read previous post) I would too. I am sure the traffic seemed worse because we were so eager to get to her. But it did allow us to take some pictures of the gingerbread homes that I have been struggling to get while in a moving car. Basically, we arrived, Tamara was gone so the assistant head doctor helped us. We passed out care giver gifts (we did dollar store 4th of July tin buckets, with a USA bandanna as fluff and filled with random goodies like nail polish and Reeses Peanut butter cups (no peanut butter here) I had typed a letter and used a translator program so they could read it and I included a little spending money). The caregivers were the people I wanted to spoil most as they have brought my baby back from the edge and given her life. I will pray for them for the rest of my life. Olga and I changed her and then we hugged everyone and headed out the door. Olga came running up and made the cross on Ana as both Russian Orthodox and Catholics do. She then said a prayer for Ana, it was very very sweet. We continued down the stairs and out the door where we stopped for one last photo. Ana loves the flowers so we got some final photos in the garden and we set off for the car. The guards opened both big gates for her as a BIG SEND OFF fit for a princess.

Then the trouble began...

I got into the car. She had ridden in one with us to get her passport photos made with out crying. But, her nurse was with us the first time and I am sure they had been telling her she was leaving for the final time today. Well, she was TERRIFIED! Shaking, breathing heavy, crying.. she tried to go out my door and then I closed it. She tried to head out mom's door, and mom climbed in and closed it. The minute the car started to move, she grabbed on to me so tight-like a baby monkey holds on while mama climbs trees.. and she stuck her face into my chest. Her nose was mashed as she tried to disappear inside me. I rocked, shhh'ed, and stroked her back.. with in 5 minutes she turned her head some. When we stopped, she looked out the window. 90 minutes into the ride she was still facing me, but playing with toys and looking all around. No smiles.. but she wasn't scared she was about to die either.

Basically, every time we try something new she is fearful. And she HATES enclosed spaces. The elevator still freaks her out, so I am going up and down stairs. You have to wonder if something happened.

When we got home she was very scared so I took her to a corner - she faced the wall and saw all of her familiar toys that I had been bringing to the orphanage. Her eyes said, "oh, this is where they go to when you leave!" and we played for a long time in that small corner. Slowly she would look around a bit. Then she held my hand and just walked that room. Over time, I carried her through out the house showing her around.. then she would hold my hand and see the rooms again.. eventually she followed me from room to room. By the night time she would go anywhere that she could keep mom or me in eyesight. Withing 24 hours she was Princess of the Palace and goes all over. She doesn't know she can't go down the 2 steps in the unit and falls every time...Other than that she does very well. The night of our arrival we went next door to Sbarro and found a tiny corner to hide in while we ate. Because she hasn't eaten solids before, I started by giving her food to just play with. My motto was there would be no pressure to eat until we were going to have to go to the hospital. Most orphans hoard and eat tons of food. Not Ana. She stopped eating. The good news was that I handed her my crust to play with, and when she thought I wasn't looking she would gum it. Eventually she didn't care if I watched. She stuck her hand in my Pepsi Lite and had fun, so when we got home we pulled a chair up to the sink. Clearly she has watched people do dishes. She washed them, shook them off, and put them to the side of the sink, then she did it all over again. Well, she had so much fun we decided to risk a bath.. most PI (post institutional) kids don't like baths. But, Ana loved it. She splashed and splashed! What fun! We got jammies on and started hanging out in my room.At 10:30 I put her in the crib. She sat there. Silent. So I layed in the bed next to her. She would start to fall over and a car would go by, or one would honk, or an ambulance would go by!!! Who knew it was noisy. To a child used to silence, it was scary and strange. Finally, I grabbed her and put her next to me, and she instantly fell asleep. She slept from 11:30- 7:00. She woke up and thank heavens at about a half a cup of rice cereal mixed with baby bananas, sugar and Russian baby formula. She refused more baby food or any drink. They told me she hated to drink and I knew they had been having trouble getting her to eat. So, I was thankful for my 1/2 cup of food and let her go play some. She laughed and had a great time. At 10:30 Paulette and her husband picked us up to go out to Ismailovo to shop. We had a wonderful time and Ana was fantastic. She still wouldn't eat or drink, but she sat quietly and watched. When I held her she talked to me and made great faces. She did take a 10 min nap in the car on the way there and on the way back. When we got home we played with pop tarts, baby granola bars and the Gerber apple stars. I got tidbits of food in her, but plenty on the ground. She loves to feed me and gave me a tummy ache with all the food. At 8:00 I had decided she was getting back on her schedule... yeh, right! I rocked her sitting, standing, leaning.. for an hour I rocked and shh'ed and swayed... and she cried. I think she had a lot to process and she was super tired. She probably needed to cry and be held. After an hour I started to feel bad for her so we sat on my bed and turned on the little light. I turned on baby TV and she played with her dolls. At 10:00 I tried to put her into her crib, but she raised her arms for me.. so she slept next to me again. 7 am rolled around. Ye haw! She was still asleep.... 9am rolls around "should we wake her?", " no she probably needs the sleep" 10...11... finally around noon she woke up and I could tell she was dehydrated. I offered her a tiny water bottle. She guzzled it. Then I wanted calories in her so I filled her baby bottle with juice. .. then we moved on to milk. She had so much fluid in her she tossed it all over me! We took a brief bath totally unlike the one Friday. Today she was trembling with cold and she was lethargic. I cleaned her up and bundled her like a new born. She got dressed and fell back to sleep. At 3:00 she woke up and had some more juice. I think she had 9 ounces and a soaking wet diaper. Still no solids :( She didn't want to play she wanted a stroller ride, so we took her to Red Square and the Goom Mall (she needs shoes- hers are all way to big). She slept more!! We got home and offered her some more to drink and eat. I tried to get her to feed me, but no going. She feels weak- like she is sick.. I put her on my bed and turned on baby tv (baby Einstein stuff) and she fell asleep to all the classical music. And there she lays.

I am really trying not to get too wrapped up in the food thing. I don't want to focus or push so much that I make it an issue. Sometimes when a parent pushes, a child will resist because it is so important to the parent..At the same time, I worry she will allow herself to be so undernourished she can't function properly... So, we would love some prayers that Ana will eat and drink and provide her body the nourishment it needs and that God will keep her healthy and give us the wisdom to help Ana overcome her food issues.

I also want to congratulate the teachers and students at IDS on a great first week.. I am hearing glowing news all over the place!! I wish I could have been in both places. The beginning of school is amazingly special.

Now, I need to see if I can find my smaller than I thought Russian Princess some on line sale shoes. I am actually thinking I might score some of Irene and Bailey's hand me downs!!! I think she IS smaller than her friends.

Paka Paka!

Michelle