Toddler Choice

I am reading The Weaver's Craft: Toddler Adoption and I have to say it starts off like adopting a toddler (a 1-3 year old) is a negative thing. I guess if you are new parents and have the incorrect expectations or think that adopting a toddler means it will be easier, you are in for some surprises. The author does bring up some points for PAPs to think about. But, as for me, I am loving it!!!!!

My dear dear friend Meredith LOVES babies. Seriously, she should be a rocker at a hospital, because she is so content in a rocking chair with a little lump on her shoulder. I agree, rocking a baby is wonderful as are their tiny toes and fingers. Seeing all your child's 'firsts' is pretty incredible too.

But, babies don't look cute in clothes. They have no neck and they bunch all up. Babies take a long time before they can play with you. The magic of adopting a toddler is that instantly you meet their personality and you have someone to play with. Babies sleep and toddlers play. Babies lay around and toddlers go, go, go!! I don't mean to minimalize the experience parents have with their newborns. I know baby Rhett couldn't have lit up lives any more than he has this past year. But, when we had Corbin, I will admit I had some postpartum depression. We just moved from Texas and I had this little baby who cried, ate, pooped and slept. Ian worked long hours and I was lonely. I had purchased toys and clothes and looked forward to the day when he would walk around looking handsome (that took 12 years, as boys get dirty in the first 12 seconds they are dressed) and he would play with me.

In contrast, Ana arrived, and moments I have dreamed of all my life started to happen. I have enjoyed dressing her up and having her prance around happy. I enjoyed Dancing, sharing a banana and reading stories together. I don't need to wait 2 years to buy her a kitchen set or a table and chairs for tea, we can do that this Christmas.

Do I wish I could have met her on the day she was born? Sure. Do I mourn each day we lost with her? You bet. Would I gladly go back in time and change her poopies and nurse her well when she was sick? With all my might I wish I could rescue her from her past and protected her from the very start. In fact, give me a time machine and her birth mother would have seen a doctor regularly and eaten the most nutritious meals possible.

But instead of mourning the past, I celebrate the present. She loves to draw. She loves to read. She loves music, dolls and all things girly. She loves the chandelier I fell in love with myself a year ago and put over her rocking chair. She thinks a stuffed bear is for rocking, not wrestling with or throwing around. It never crosses her mind to make a gun out of a block or tinker toys. All the boy stuff is fun and I hope everyone gets to experience their free spirits, but it is also nice recognizing the female in your daughter. I get her. I understand her. She is so gentle with our dog in spite of the fact that every male in our home models their own level of rough housing with Banjo for her. It is precious to watch her be her.

I know it is short term. I know she will grow up soon and fight me about what she wears. I know soon enough she will have her own opinions I need to respect. Until then, I am going to enjoy choosing for us. And when the time comes, I am going to enjoy seeing what she chooses. I wonder if she will choose soccer or dance? Will she want a pink room or a green one? Will she like dresses or protest and only wear pants? It will be fun to find out.

Dear Lord, thank you for all the moments with Ana big and small that we have had and that are still to come. May all the parents of adopted toddlers be prepared for a toddler's special needs. Amen.

To all of the PAPs and APs out there, I was reluctant to read Toddler Adoption because I heard it was so negative. In retrospect, a big dose of reality can be very helpful. The mountain you expect doesn't seem nearly as daunting as the one that surprises you.

Michelle