The Truth

The truth is:

• this is tough
• Aidan is far more work than Ariana
• Aidan is acting out by exhibiting most of the negative behaviors in the books that Ariana is supposed to be exhibiting.
• putting 2 kids to bed at the same time is almost impossible, especially when it is a new routine.
• Ana is starting to act out some too
• Ana has come a long way
• I have had very little contact with my older two sons
• My husband and I have divided and conquered.. or tried to
• Ariana went in the pool and splashed sitting on the top step today
• Ariana went to the zoo with Ian and I for the first time today.
• It is all worth it
• I still need to get announcements made for Ariana. Heck, I still need a photo for the announcement.
• This too shall pass
• Together, Ian and I can help our family transition and grow
• I am a truly blessed and lucky woman

So, another truth is that the preceding list took 3 days to finish! That alone exhibits how much my life has changed. It is very challenging finding the time to sit and pontificate about life on my blog. I am too busy living it. As I type, my bedroom floor is covered with clean laundry that needs to be sorted and put away. My laundry room is covered in dirty laundry that needs to be washed. My kitchen floor has toddler remnants that if the restaurant review board came to inspect- they would slap a sticker on my front door closing me down. I dare not even venture up to the teenager's area for fear of what I will find. The good news is that I got through Aidan and Collin's Thursday folders and all the permission slips and random forms are filled out, money is in appropriate envelopes and they are set to get back to school. Yes, they were all due Friday, but I still count it as a success. Now, to figure out what Corbin needs. All that goes to illustrate that our normal routine that manages our home and our school tasks is not up to snuff. It is taking a back seat to the pandemonium that tends to occur. I know many PAPs read this. I am not writing to scare you. Instead, I am writing to prepare you. Especially, my friends who have 3 year old boys at home. You know who you all are!

Aidan is the source of most of our challenge. Aidan started wetting his pants regularly and pooping on the ground outside shortly after I left in August. He seems to be holding his own at school, but at home he was having regular accidents. I have seen more success with the potty lately, but we have gone to wearing Goodnights at night. He was my first son to not need them, so it doesn't phase me much to give him that crutch. He has been whinny. He comes home WOUND UP like a tornado. Now, some of this is challenging to determine the source. Many kids who start school exhibit these behaviors. They go to school, hold it together for their teachers, and go home and forget all their boundaries. I hear it every year as a teacher. So, maybe it would have happened anyway. But, the transition our family is in could also be playing into it. He loves to touch Ariana. Sometimes he is rough. There was a time when he tried to push her under the water in the bath tub. He loves to go under and swim in our pool or our tub, so I think he wanted her to do it. That signified the end of our dual baths for a while. Ian has been taking him to his new bath tub (just finished!!) and letting him enjoy having that big tub to himself. Ana, on the other hand, has been bathing in our tub. Aidan also wakes up and goes straight to her crib to wake her up, or when he gets home if she is still napping- he runs to her room and stands on the railing. He has been known to stick his leg out so she can't push her stroller or he has taken a toy from her. He screams. She shrieks. The teenagers run for cover upstairs and I practice deep breathing. Sometimes, he is just loving her. He wants to be close to her. Other times, I think he is jealous and wants her to be upset. When he gets wound up in that negative mode, it is tough going bringing him back down. My biggest key has been the "redo". We always make sure that the last motion is him doing it 'right'. So, his muscle memory is the right action we desire. I also work very very hard to 'sandwich' my comments. I give a positive, then a coaching statement, and I end with a positive statement. After his redo, I always comment positively on his success. He does sit in time out until he is ready to tell me what he needs to do and then show me how to do it. I practice the palms up procedure when approaching him.

Keeping a routine and getting him to bed early really helps him to be successful too. Neither of these things are easy given the needs of Ariana.

My first goal is to get bedtime worked out. Presently, I can't get both to bed at the same time. When Ian travels again I am doomed! She is falling asleep around 8-9pm. I really think it needs to be by 7pm so she can wake up on her own by 6:30am in time to eat, dress and drop the boys off at school. We eat dinner at 5, then we clean up the kitchen and head off to the tub for a nice long bath by 6. After her bath she brushes her teeth and I condition and fix her hair. Then, I lay her on my bed and rub lotion all over her starting with her feet (part of touch therapy) while I look at her in the eyes and tell her what body part it is. She gets dressed and we head to her room. We sit in the rocking chair and read stories first. Fuzzy yellow Duckling is the current favorite, but I am working on Audrey Wood's book : Piggies. Then, I try to rock her. She doesn't want to rock. This could be really good bonding time. Chest to chest or in the horizontal baby hold would be good for her. As would the repetitive motion of the rocking and my singing. But she FIGHTS it. In fact, now that she knows where story time in the rocking chair is headed, she fights it too. I try to calm her for ten minutes and then I lay her in her bed and stroke her face and let her be. She plays with 2 lullaby toys she got as gifts, fusses a lot, and then falls asleep. I either lay in the bed in her room or I sit here in the rocking chair so she doesn't feel alone and abandoned again. Every book I have ever read agrees that you can't leave an PI kid to cry themselves to sleep. So, I stay with her. Often, I spend the night here, because I too fall asleep.

Ian, on the other hand, bathes and dresses Aidan. They lay in bed and watch a cartoon together and then the TV goes off and Aidan falls asleep next to Ian while Ian works on his computer.

Now, when you put the two in the same room, Aidan makes lots of noise to ensure that Ana doesn't fall asleep. He gets out of bed. He jumps on his bed. He does whatever it takes to keep the both of them awake. Like I said, we will need to work on this scenario.

I am working towards her going to sleep at 7pm and him falling asleep by 8pm. The good news is that eventually daylight savings will kick in and we will fall back. That would get her on the schedule I want. I just don't want to wait that long.

You can notice how Corbin and Collin are sadly missing from our routines. When Ian is around, we do spend time with them. This afternoon we all got into the pool and went swimming. The first time we took Ana into the pool she cried and hated it. But today, Ian sat her on the edge and let her dangle her toes in. Soon, she wanted to sit on the step, so we got out a daddy approved one piece and she took her spot on the step. She was there long enough to wrinkle up! There was an oil spill on the freeway and lots of news choppers were flying over. She was very scared of them. After our swim, Collin joined us on a trip to the store while Corbin worked on his homework. This weekend, Collin made is presence known and got some dad time on the X box too. If the humidity would come down some I think we would start pushing the strollers again at night too. It is just so very nasty right now. Everyone gets home hot and grumpy.

For posterity's sake I want to write about our trip to the zoo. We got there around 10 and it was empty. Ana was nervous. She really wanted to be held not strolled. She enjoyed the manatee and fish areas, but she would NOT touch the tank walls. She would sit in our lap and point to the animals swimming. She cried and clung to us in fear as we walked by the mini roller coaster and other loud things. She was not interested in touching the lama, but she did enjoy watching Ian pet it and the other kids pet it. She found the monkeys interesting too. I think we will have to go every day for a week before she feels safe and secure here. I might take her tomorrow since Ian is working out of the house. First, I want to spend some time in the baby room of our school. My goal is to get her to feel very comfortable there. I would like to be able to spend 1 hour a day, 3 days a week with PreK. We do Academic Centers in PK and I would really like to show up and be an extra set of hands. We are going to have to work up to me being able to leave her for an hour though. I am going to have to start by playing with her and the other kids, then I want to work on a project in the kitchen while she plays with the kids and can come touch me. Then, I will try to step out for 10 minutes.. and build it up from there. I am very very lucky that my Head Master is giving us all the time we need to adjust. We can take it at Ariana's pace. God has really put angels into our lives. I know he has a great and wonderful plan for Ariana and our family. Time and time again, he has gone before me and torn down walls that I expect to find. I believe he has heard all of your prayers on our behalf. Thank you!

Dear Lord, thank you for bringing our family together. Thank you for tearing down walls ahead of us. Thank you for all of the firsts we have enjoyed with Ariana the past 3 weeks. Help us to find a healthy routine for our family. Fill us with compasion for each other and patience in times of stress. Bring Aidan and sence of calm and gentleness. Bring Ariana a sense of trust and peace. Fill Corbin and Collin's hearts with the understanding that they continue to be very important members of our family whom we are proud of and adore. Amen

Nicole/Laurie: only 3 more days! Karen, Angie and the other court awaiting PAPS: you continue to be in my prayers. I love you all.

Hugs everyone! (she is asleep!!!! hurray!!)

Michelle