Normally, I blog for Ana. Today, I blog for the blog stalkers out there! I will probably have to remove this story before I turn this blog into a book for her.
Well, Ana went in for her physical today. OK, so we have been home 2 months. I know. But, the girl has been sick. We had to figure that whole diarrhea thingy out! Not, that we are done with the bowel thing yet. Something still isn't right.. but at least we are seeing progress...
OK, that is not why I opened my computer to blog. Today I am letting go of the Poop Progress Report and moving over a bit to a PP story. Yes, PP... Urine.
While at the physical, the doctor wanted to collect a urine sample..Now, how exactly do you do that with a toddler? Well, apparently they have these baggies with straws. Thin straws that go places that I wasn't willing to witness. And just to make sure the straw stays in place the baggie has adhesive on it all around the straw site. So... the straw goes in, and then the bag sticks on...
Like I said, I didn't watch. I looked in her eyes and they put the diaper back on. We were all confident that by the end of the exam we would have a sample. Not so much.
So, I went home with the baggie still attached and a canister to put it in once full.
NOW, here is the part I just LOVE!!! I had a planning meeting to go to, so I handed my husband his daughter and proceeded to describe the situation. Of course, as I spoke my husband alternated between white and green and he kept trying to hand her to me saying, "I don't need to know this!" That was when I reminded him that I had to go and HE was going to get to deal with the situation. The look is indescribable. Priceless and totally indescribable. Terror. Shock. Disgust. Confusion... nope none of that works.. it is indescribable.
The men in our home love to run around as they have for the past 13 years, naked. But, if they had it their way Ana would bathe in her swim suit. The riots begin if I walk her shirtless to the laundry room to find fresh clean pajamas. So, you can imagine the thought of having to remove this little set up!
When I got home I heard about it for hours. My husband was clearly far more traumatized than Ana. Although, he is sure that she is going to hold it against him and all men for a life time. Apparently, he thinks having adhesive (like a very sticky band aid) pulled slowly off your entire va-J J area is scarring. Well, it certainly scarred him. I should have him guest blog here. Because, while he didn't find it funny in the least, I still find it hysterical! After having 3 sons, it is good to have some female anatomy around causing the other side some grief!
I know I need to document the rest of the physical. But that is all I have in me right now. I will have to catch up on the rest later.
Edit/ Update: Ian did decide to respond. If you click the "comment" button below, you can read his reaction.
3 comments:
So this is the husband and I am adding a comment.
When I was young and innocent I thought I would show my support and I decided to accompany my wife (who was pregnant with our first child) to her gynecologist's appointment. I saw things there that no husband should ever see. It took me awhile to recover from that expereince. That was nothing compared to what I will, for the sake of common decency refer to as "the removal procedure".
I just want you to imagine a huge piece of duct tape placed over your private area (and I mean completely over your privates). Now I want you to close your eyes and imagine your father having to slowly (so as not to spill the urine) removing that duct tape. My daughter looked and me and I looked at her and I was like "I am so sorry I am having to do this to you". I think Ana'a eyes doubled in size during the "procedure". The whole time I am thinking "well she is really going to attach to Michelle now since I will forever by the guy who had to tear that duct tape off!" Forget her, I think now I am going to need therapy.
Then I went to the doctor and had some words with him. His response was "oh it does not hurt that much" what I really wanted to say was "okay buddy, you drop your shorts and we will try it on you!I think I have some duct tape in the jeep" He is a friend of the family though so I just smiled and thought "never again"...
I am in tears at Ian's comment! THAT my friend, is priceless blogging! :) Love BOTH stories... of course, I heard the live version of Michelle's post yesterday, but it's just too funny. I'm glad I got to relive it here! :) Sorry Ana!
Oh my!
As I was reading Michelle's account of the story and thinking this is one for the records. I then read Ian's account to Ron and we were both is stiches! Sorry Ana!
Priceless!
Dinia
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