Then and Now

A year ago today we went to the MOE and were offered the referral for an angel named Nadia (Hope). My how time really changes things! Here is how much difference a year can make!

Last year :
I met a little girl who was a victim. She shook as a single tear flowed down her cheek. She was silent. She allowed the doctor to manhandle her with no complaints and clearly she was with drawing into her own mind to avoid acknowledging what was happening to her. I worried that she would grow up to be a victim, allowing the world to beat her up along the way. That little girl was terrified of the world around her and certainly knew better than to complain or protest.
A Year Later:
Ariana has found her voice and her will. Ariana has no problem screaming "NO". She will happily run away when you say it is nap time. She gleefully resists when you go tell her it is time to get out of the tub or pool. She isn't going to let a doctor measure her much less give her a shot without a fit. GO ARIANA!!
Last Year:
We tried to get Ariana to eat cheerios or toddler finger foods. We brought bananas and even tried to feed her the gruel from the orphanage. There was NO way she was going to let Ian or I feed her. She did let her caregiver feed her, but she hardly ate or drank. (Hello- maybe the INSANE giardia infection she was dealing with had a little to do with it! I can't believe they missed it. )
This Year
After two rounds of Giardia treatments (after 2 months of being home and our own pediatrician missed it because she didn't have any tummy bloating) the girl got an appetite. Now, today, heck she will gladly eat you out of house and home. For dinner she ate her own bowl of pasta. Followed by a huge bowl of yogurt. Followed by a great majority of my bowl of pasta... She has a happier tummy AND she trusts us now. Before she only trusted the caregiver to feed her. She did feed us the cheerios and the toddler food which Dr. Gordina said was a good thing. That she knew better than to openly trust us- and that she was testing us when she fed us. She isn't into feeding us anymore. She will share, but I have to ask.
Last year:
Ariana wasn't interested in playing with toys. I tried to blow bubbles and she wouldn't touch them. She did like rolling a ball to us.
This year: She has dumped most of the bins of toys in the playroom out and she is having her own fiesta! This very moment the toy of choice is a musical choo choo train.
Last year: She didn't say anything to us.
This year: OK, I admit it, I do pray for silence now and then. I should be grateful instead shouldn't I?
Last year: She could point to her nose, ears, mouth and rock a baby doll while her caregiver sang in Russian. (Only when the caregiver asked her to).
This year: She can point to almost any part of her body. She not only rocks a baby, she puts them in a high chair and feeds them, she puts them in the doll bed and she bundles them up.
Last year: She needed a stuffed animal with her when she left her room to come be with us. It was a bunny the first day.
This year: No security items at all. She has a favorite blanket right now- it is a quilt Betty George made her. I had plans that it would be a decoration in her room. Ana had other plans and if she is dragging anything around, it is that blanket.
Last year: She was daddy's girl. She definitely preferred Ian that first day..OK the first week.
This year: She is still a daddy's girl. Somethings don't change after all!
Last year: She wobbled when she walked on that first day. We thought she had just learned to walk that week. Her records said she wasn't walking.... (actually at the end of the week we saw a slow and awkward run)
This week: Walk, run, twirl, climb, crawl, scoot, slide, creep, wiggle, roll, flip.... I think she is a gymnast- but she certainly isn't behind in any way in the motor department. Unfortunately, my gymnast knows how to unbuckle the car seat and she likes to perform her tricks as we drive down the freeway causing me to pull over. Buckle her up again. Drive about 2 miles and repeat. The only solution to said problem is a video sufficient enough to distract her.
Last year: We heard that her body was totally healthy -- well Rickets, and weak muscles, but by and large she was healthy. But, if her mother's lifestyle was as unhealthy as reported we were warned that she could have FASD or RAD.
This year: Honestly it wouldn't be right to say we are out of the woods. I think we can say that around 8 or 9 years old. BUT, I can say that at this point none of the therapists see that kind of evidence. Her titers showed very little immunity. We still haven't vaccinated her. I need to do that as soon as we return from our vacation. I wanted her to have a year to just get strong. I plan on following the DAN doctor's vaccination schedule. That being said, she has been amazingly healthy. For a child just exposed to American versions of germs she has done astoundingly well. She only had one fever. Given that she did go to day care and we carted her all over town, I think her immunity is pretty strong. Not bad for a girl who spent the first year of her life in and out of the hospital for malnutrition.
Last year: I wondered we added her to our family if she would take our time away from the boys we already had. Would her needs be so great they would suffer? Would she physically hurt them? Would she have needs so expensive they would go without? Would she be able to love, to enjoy, to be part of our family. Would the boys even like or tolerate her? She acted like a kitten fished out of a lake, but her prognosis was that of a lion.
This year: I just love God! She is such a testament to his presence. Forget all the professionals. She thrives in our chaos. She loves me and hugs on me and she absolutely adores her father. He puts the stars in her eyes. She doesn't mommy shop anymore, but she does show off and fish for compliments! And, her brothers all adore her as she adores them. She and Aidan are the best of friends- and that does include a little sibling abuse now and then. She swipes a toy from him and runs.. He knocks her over. But Aidan just ran down here, grabbed a small airplane and said he got it from school for Ariana, and took off upstairs to give it to her. I hear her frequent cry "c'mon bru bru c'mon!" She has completed our family. We all have our imperfections and shortcomings. None of the Robsons are candidates for the 'perfect' family or even the 'remotely perfect' family or the 'kinda sorta maybe' perfect family. We are the Flawed Family.

A year ago I wondered what we should do. What choice we should make.
A year ago tonight, we were fairly certain she was our daughter, but we tried to stay rational and wait for the Dr. to read all the documents.
A year ago tonight we had only just begun to feel the weight of the decision. For, the little girl we met touched our hearts.

A year later, I give thanks to God for more things than I can list. For more people than I can list. For more experiences than I can list. He knows our hearts. He knows the lists. He knew all along.
Praise be to God!


( For posterity for Ariana: Today, we had to go to the courthouse to get your passport documents verified so you can get your passport in time to go to Atlantis. We then took them to daddy's office. It was the first time for Aidan, Ariana and I to go. We met all the people daddy works with, saw his office and ate in the cafeteria. We then had to get Corbin from high school and run to Fed Ex since the passport agency needed the SS card too- even though the courthouse said we didn't need it. We finally got a nap around 4pm and then you woke up to meet our new housekeeper Luz and have dinner. Now you are playing with all the men of the house while I enjoy the few minutes I get to try to capture these memories in a time capsule of shorts. It wasn't exactly the day I would have planned, but honestly the fact that we can have such a mundane normal day is a blessing all in itself. )